Friday, March 28, 2008

Swinging in the Cage

It has come to my attention lately that I am a monkey..

Yep.. a fucking monkey sitting in a house all the time... Not that I
didn't realize it before.. But its starting to make me insane...

I sit in my house ... a lot.. I go out very few times.. Honestly.. My
patterns of going outside into sunlight and actually going anywhere
would make you think of agoraphobia, but theres no fear here.. Just me
trapped like a monkey.

I sit.. I play with my daughter, I yell at the dogs... then I sit some
more... and do it all over again... a fucking Monkey could do this..

I literally go somewhere maybe every 8 days.. thats seems to be the
pattern.. and I should know.. this pattern has been going on for 4 years.

You wanna know the stellar place I go every 8 days? Cub Foods.. or a
hot 20 minutes in and out at Michaels for yarn.. yep thats is my WHOLE

And the times I do go.. I am with my husband... so I am never alone..
unless I lock myself in the bathroom or bedroom.. But does that really
constitute being alone? When there is a toddler screaming for her
monkey to come out?

When I was little I used to go to this Zoo in Milwaukee WI .. they had
a Gorilla there.. named Sampson.. Hundreds of people flocked to see
him.. you could throw lit cigarettes at him and he would smoke them.
People went nuts for that shit. Sampson was cool.. He died knowing way
more people then I ever will.

You know what else I have in common with a Monkey? They don't drive..
I don't drive... in fact I can't even sit passenger on the highway..
without holding on to the door handle and praying my seat belt works.
So yeah I am a little nuts.. But it wasn't always that way.. I used to
do shit.. like umm I don't know anything? Like just saying wth.. i
think ill go to the mall.. or I should get my nails did.. I mean.. i
can do that if I want.. but I would have to bring my husband and my
daughter most likely.. cause I don't drive..

Sitting and thinking about this today.. I can only think of one
positive side of my life in cell number 3417 Terrace Lane... Thats,
that I will probably never get skin cancer. I actually started
laughing my ass off today when I opened a cabinet and saw some Super
active lotion with SPF or whatever that shit is.

Life is kinda weird.. has a way ripping off your arm and beating you
with your own bloody stump.

I would liken myself to the kids from Flower's in the attic... But
they were small and didn't grow.. white from lack of lite and nice and
skinny.. plus they got special cookies that they never got fat off of.
Granted it killed one of them..

Me? Nope.. I'm a confined monkey.. pacing between my bars.. getting
wider with every scratch of my armpit.

Now don't be startled thinking I am going to go all Yates on the kids
or anything.. there my confined littler monkey playmates.. like me..
but smaller ...would that make them Lemurs?.

Ever feel squashed inside your self..could be in a room full of
people.. and just sit there quietly with like a huge thought of
shocking everyone? Like Getting naked, painting yourself red, and
setting off dynamite at a church? .. no? must be just me then.

lol Did you really read that whole thing? Shit you must be bored.